Collect Them All

A friend recently got what I feel is a pretty fantastic tattoo, but in order to post a photo of said tat, I've been asked to come up with a fake identity for him. So here we go. What follows is a photograph of my friend "Chuck." Chuck hangs out at various OTB locations for a living and brushes his teeth with whiskey.

Beer of Nations

It's been roughly five years since I was last in college, and three since I was last in grad school. I've spent most of those years in New York City, where I will admit, I have lost some perspective in terms of what others consider expensive. At this point, I fully expect to pay a couple of bucks more than I used to on most things. That being said, I found portions of the following article laugh-out-loud funny, in a bittersweet sort of way:

http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/10/29/battleground.wednesday/index.html

Why would I find an article about how our current economic downturn is affecting college students amusing you ask? Mostly because of this little nugget with regard to one Mr. Tom Pinnell of St. Louis University:

"Those 30-packs of Natural Light beer that used to cost $14? They're $17 now, Pinnell said.

Even the watering hole that offered quarter pitchers last year is charging 50 cents, he said."

I'm sorry, what? WHAT? FIFTY CENTS? Did I read that right? Is this a misprint? This must be a misprint. Again I say, whaaaat? Is Mr. Pinnell drinking in 1950? Does it cost a nickel to mail a letter there, too? Because I honestly can't think of much I can get for fifty cents, short of a Homies character or two out of a vending machine. Now I will grant that Homies are cool in their own right, and as evidence of this, I give you the following:

Right? I mean, check out the clown-faced DJ. Awesome, no? Seriously. But can they get you drunk? NO! Sadly they cannot. Which leads us to the question, why is Mr. Pinnell complaining? Why, when for what the average New Yorker spends on a single mug of beer he can buy a couple of pitchers and still have money left over for several Homies (should he choose, in these financially challenging times, to spend his money wisely)?

And a thirty-pack of beer for seventeen bucks? Do they even make thirty packs here?

Given that in addition to living in the land o' plenty (of beer, at least), he has yet experienced the need to take out a student loan, is it a surprise that he's voting for McCain? Suffice it to say, it's not surprising that the two students interviewed who need to apply for financial aid and/or are working several jobs while going to school are voting for Obama. Methinks Tommy would feel differently about so-called tax-and-spend liberals if he ever felt the sting of a $15 pitcher and a monthly student loan bill.

Starkitties with Special Destinies

In general, I'm not the biggest fan of lolcats, but this made me laugh:

Afterwards, the kitty got drunk and slapped Anders around a bit.

Joe the Plumber: Everytime a bell rings, a Marxist gets their wings!

Dear friends,
Can I just take a moment to point out how sick I am of hearing the phrase "Joe the Plumber"? I seriously don't think I'll ever hire a plumber named Joe again.
Someone should tell Joe the Plumber that he would benefit more from Obama's tax plans than John McCain's. And that according to the Tax Policy Center, Obama was right when he said his tax cuts would only effect roughly 2% of small business--businesses with PROFITS of over $250,000 (in other words, very successful ones who can afford it).

http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/article/2008/oct/16/joe-plumber-small-business-taxes/

But maybe he doesn't know that because he's too busy fantasizing about made-up plumbing companies. Or maybe Joe was under the impression he was about to buy a plumbing company, when in reality was merely holding the title deed to this:

In that case, Joe, you shouldn't worry for a couple of reasons:
a) Water Works is more of a utilty, rather than a plumbing company.
b) Regardless, someone would have to roll double sixes several times AND you'd have to also own the electric company (so the rent is multiplied by 10) for you to get taxed under Obama's plan.
c) By then you'd probably be able to afford it, wouldn't you? You’d be that big money baller at the end of the game forcing people to mortgage their properties on Baltic Avenue (where everybody knows only socialists live anyway).

In all seriousness, how ridiculous is John McCain/Sarah Palin/Joe the Plumber's definition of "socialism"? I bet they probably root for Mr. Potter in It's a Wonderful Life, too.

Above: A hardworking American trying to protect his wealth from a gang of layabouts.

Below: A communist rally in Bedford Falls, circa 1946.